Thursday, September 3, 2009

Black Moon Rising

This is not part of my best of list! This is, in fact a DISASTER! As a little treat for Amy and possibly April, I've decided to do reviews of whatever my BF and I are watching. My boy toy and I like to watch movies. A lot. As a result, we have watched all contemporary movies. While waiting for new movies to be produced, we sometimes amuse ourselves with older cinema. BF is in charge of choosing the films. The latest offering comes straight from the mind of John Carpenter and the 80's! You may remember him as the director of The Thing and Big Trouble in Little China (two films that will be making an appearance on my best of list) but he didn't direct this jewel, oh no. Its just from his mind. Like Athena fully formed from the forehead of Zeus, we have this epic of big hair and ridiculous super cars. Oscar winner Tommy Lee Jones is a hot young thief in a cool leather jacket. There's some kind of convoluted plot regarding him thieving a computer disk the size of an 8-track and then hiding said disk in an experimental car at a rest stop. Then Linda Hamilton shows up for no good reason and steals the super car. Did I mention that she has the tallest 80's hair I've ever seen? She's wearing a wig and I'm pretty sure they left room under the wig for her natural big 80's hair. This masterpiece of stilted dialogue and gratuitous Hamilton on Lee Jones sex scenes was a complete mess. The super car was not even a little bit cool. It looked like it might be made of cardboard and the design came from some kid's 80's era trapper keeper. UGH! One of the only redeeming features of this movie (besides them having the good sense to not show Lee Jone's ass) was the fact that the cast was filled out with a veritable who's who of actors you have seen in the background of every movie from the 80's. There was that guy from that one movie, and that other guy who used to be a football player, oh, and the sheriff from True Blood. You can't spit in an 80's film without hitting that guy! Ha, ha, ohhhh. Don't watch this movie, unless you really want to see Linda Hamilton's nipples or you really like to play name the random 80's character actor.